Second Marriages
Translated by Eliyahu Munk
This passage ["Eishet Chayil", or "A Woman of
Valor", in the last chapter of Proverbs] is a parable in which the woman
described represents either the Torah or the soul. Nonetheless, we will not
ignore its plain meaning, and will first explain the passage according to
everybody's first impression when they read this poem. For this, we need to
consider the view of marriage presented in the Zohar.
When a man marries twice, it seems from Sotah 2
that the first woman he marries was due to a heavenly decree, whereas the second
woman is the one that suits him based on his personality. Taken at face value,
this statement is inexplicable. We observe frequently that the opposite seems to
be the case. Besides, there are many people who do not marry more than once in
their lives, so how do you apply this statement to them?  | " A partnership...
already existed while these souls awaited their assignments in Heaven..." | | |
Furthermore, since we believe that G-d guides man's
fate in all details, why should his first mating not reflect that guidance, and
be based on his accomplishments in life up to that point? Surely
G-d's decree
cannot be morally faulty! So why is there a difference between a "first" and a
"second" mating?
In fact, the decree which precedes the birth of the
respective partners is based on the souls that each of their bodies are to host
once they are born, forming a partnership which had already existed while these
souls awaited their assignments in Heaven, attached to the throne of G-d. We
have a principle that there is nothing in this universe (except G-d) that does
not have a natural partner. These partners interact constructively in their path
to achieving the purpose assigned to them in the universe. | | " A child growing up as a fine human being demonstrates that its parents are kindred souls..." | | |
This is why a man who has no wife is considered an
incomplete human being. Only by two bodies joining in marriage and becoming "one
flesh" (Gen. 2:24) can their souls interact fully in the partnership that has
been assigned to them. In due course, the child born (when the intention of
begetting was to fulfill our G-d given obligations) will reflect that successful
partnership. A child growing up as a fine human being demonstrates that its
parents are kindred souls.
When souls are mismatched, the children born from such
unions turn out accordingly. To prevent this happening, G-d decreed prior to
birth which man and which woman should marry, seeing that they have been endowed
from Heaven with matching souls. Since man is equipped with freedom of choice,
however, the bodies in which these matched souls grow up may lose their kinship,
because either the man or the woman does not develop in the manner hoped for at
the time their souls had been assigned to them. Divine justice does not allow the
morally superior of the two to be saddled permanently with the morally inferior. | | " The bodies in which these matched souls grow up may lose their kinship..." | | |
As a result (assuming it was the man who has not lived
up to G-d's expectations), the bride that had originally been assigned to him
will be given to someone else more deserving. Such a match is called "second (or
revised) mating". The Talmud describes this mating as being based on his
actual deeds.
This may be why our sages depicted man as always in
search of his lost property [See Kiddushin 2]. A woman was assigned to a
certain man prior to his birth, but he lost his claim to her after birth. When
such a man rehabilitates himself, she may again be assigned to him. In order
that the "Woman of Valor" whose mate had been denied her due to his inadequate
personality development should not be totally severed from him, the man in
question, should he improve his ways, is afforded an opportunity by
G-d to find
his lost "property". This arrangement, if called for, will be made by G-d
Himself, not by committing a wrong in order to get her away from her present
husband.
Although man is free to act as he chooses, G-d in His
omniscience has seen in advance who will act how, and has ways of temporarily
assigning the "lost" wife to a person who has a limited lifespan. After the
death of that husband, the widow can be available to her original soul-mate who
has by now qualified to be her husband. | | " Who can be certain that his sins do not result in his losing his soul-mate..." | | |
The "Woman of Valor" Solomon speaks about is this
woman whose original soul-mate had "lost" her, due to his character faults. "Who
can find" again such a perfect soul-mate? Who can be certain that his sins do
not result in his "losing" his soul-mate, risking her being assigned to someone
else? What good deeds are needed for such a loser to be able to reclaim his
"lost" soul-mate?
"Her worth is far beyond that of pearls" - so she
cannot remain "sold" forever to her present husband. She is only "on loan" to
him till her original soul-mate does teshuva and qualifies to wed her.
One cannot qualify in the first place to wed a Woman of Valor without paying a
heavy price in terms of the good deeds one has to perform. Once one has
forfeited her, her price becomes even dearer....
On a deeper level, the Woman of Valor is the holy
soul. It is that aspect of the soul which performs " mitzvot", deeds of kindness
towards fellow human beings, and through them she creates advocates for man
before the heavenly tribunal. The "husband" is the physical host of the soul,
the body. Thus, Solomon is asking "Who can find a truly holy soul?"
He goes on to describe the constant endeavour of the
holy soul, whose origin is in the highest celestial regions at the foot of G-d's
throne, to help its host, who possesses freedom of choice, to resist
temptation....
Although the soul's very nature bids her to strive to
return to the celestial regions whence she originated, when she observes that
"the whole earth is filled with the glory of G-d", i.e. that the earth is fit
for G-d as a domain, she accepts to continue her efforts "all the days of her
life" while enclosed in the body of man. Adapted from the introduction to "Eishet Chayil", in Rabbi Alshich's commentary on the Book of Proverbs
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